Friday, October 20, 2023

MY MOTHER-IN-LAW & FATHER-IN-LAW... (Fond memories...)

 My Mother-in-law & Father-in-law…


Margaret (Sharples) Morris & Roland Isaiah Morris…


BEST BEARD I EVER GREW.
ME WITH ROLAND & MAGGIE...

I recall the lady as intelligent, maybe rueful of her family’s upheaval from 42 Links Street Court in Kirkcaldy, Scotland when she was a teenager to live in Aston, Birmingham to help with the Sharples’ family business, which was a shop selling linoleum at 6/343 Summer Lane, originally run by William Sharples.


To move from a more rural area of farmland with horses must have been a real shock for such a bright girl, who ended up living in a tough Aston environment.


I believe that she was so far ahead educationally when she arrived in Birmingham that she was used basically as a classroom assistant to help other pupils, despite only being in her early teens. She would have loved to have received further education but that would simply never have been an option for her…


MAGGIE, DECKCHAIR, SWANAGE...

She met and married Roland Isaiah Morris, who was apparently a sporting chap, yet like many men around that time, he smoked heavily. He was a clever guy with his hands and was an accomplished carpenter. He worked for many years for a family firm with a promise of being included in a will when the owner’s wife passed on. He had visited her regularly after the firm had closed down but when the will was produced, he had been left virtually nothing. 


I drove him and his wife to the woman’s funeral in Wales too, in shocking rainy motorway conditions but Roland’s life seemed to lose meaning after that. Although he carried tablets to ease his angina symptoms, he had gone into St Peter’s College on Good Friday, 1974 in his own time because he was involved in building an organ for the college but he tragically died there from a heart attack, apparently with a piece of wood in his hand… 


A fitting way for a carpenter to end his life one might argue and he was born and then died on a Good Friday…


He once told me that he had impressed Margaret with his strength by winning a prize at a fairground on a high striker, using a mallet to swing over his shoulder and strike the machine’s base, hoping to make a bell at the top ring. Few achieved that apparently. He did, though…


A HIGH STRIKER...

His mother Annie (Tonks) Morris lived with Maggie and Roland for many years and she even outlived her son by four years. She commandeered Roland’s chair after he had died and continued to drop snuff upon her pale blue nylon housecoat. She would also ease the lids from her Mackeson stout bottles using the underside of a drawer handle, which meant she didn’t have to move. She professed deafness too but it was thought that she heard a number of conversations when it suited her.  


We were all watching a TV pantomime on ice on one occasion, during which a panto’ horse skated across the scene. She remarked: 


“Good how they got that horse to skate…”


Aston Villa once played a Turkish team in a European tie and before I set out to walk to the match from mother-in-law’s house, the old lady asked me who Villa were playing. I told her and she responded with, 


“They’d better be careful, the Turks carry big curved swords…”   


MAGGIE WITH MY DAUGHTER WENDY...

I recall that Margaret worked in a factory/office canteen on Summer Lane when I first knew her, so close to where her family’s shop had once been, curiously and she introduced me to strong tea, which I had never experienced growing up. When my daughters were babies and if I was squeezing out a towelling nappy at her house, she would grab it from me, muttering, 


“Give it here, I’ve got a better wring than you…”


 She liked evening Bingo sessions and betting on horses, albeit small amounts but she often won cash from both of those leisure activities. If she was on holiday with us, she would immediately explore the shops to find a betting office nearby and when we holidayed in Swanage I would pop her along to the local hall to win a few quid at the weekly Bingo session. I always called her ‘the professional’ but in truth she simply won regularly…


A FAMILY HOLIDAY, MAGGIE FAR RIGHT...

I recall one Bingo caller referring to the number 7 as ‘One little crutch…’ and 77 not as ‘Sunset Strip’ but as ‘Two little crutches…’ Nobody laughed, due to the ‘eyes-down’ mode in the room, but as I waited to take mum-in-law back to the caravan, I nearly wet myself…  


Maggie’s house was like a clearing house for her family on weekends, especially Sundays, when from early until late afternoon she would provide a conveyor belt of food for when each group of visitors arrived to see her. Salad, trifle, cake, numerous pots of strong tea, apple pies and other delights were always to be found on her dining table and folks simply dipped in when they arrived.


The pre-Villa match cobs with cheese and slices of onion on them were always a feature of my Saturdays at Maggie’s, where not only did I lay a lawn in her back garden, the first decorating I ever attempted was the marital bedroom, as a surprise whilst they were on holiday. I decorated the front room too, sometime later…


I recall staying there one night when Maggie and Roland were away on holiday and I slept in their bedroom, overlooking Witton Cemetery, a grave outlook. They had a votive figure of Christ about 50cm high on a piece of their furniture and I was genuinely spooked by it, especially as one of the hands held out its heart… So, I asked Jenny if she would remove it, which she did by placing it inside a large wooden wardrobe. That seemed OK to me and with Grannie Tonks-Morris asleep in her small bedroom, I lay down to get some rest. And then one wardrobe door began to creak open…


I was totally terrified as I dashed from the bedroom, before banging on Jenny’s bedroom door and demanding that the offending statue be moved elsewhere. She did so, laughing at my discomfort…  


HARD WORK, CHRISTMAS...

When Roland was alive, he would sit back on his chair, smoke a cigarette and often make a contentious statement, often politically left-wing and usually controversial, so that at least one of his siblings would take the bait and begin arguing until a few of the guests were debating, often rather loudly. I was horrified at first but one time, after Roland after begun an argument, he looked my way and winked as the atmosphere became somewhat concerning…  


He also thought that I was a bit mad and he was never really sure about my behaviour, especially on one particular rainy evening before I could drive…


‘Some Mothers Do ‘Ave ‘Em’ had been on TV during the evening, in which Frank Spencer had left his girlfriend’s house to return home in rainy weather, only to find that the small front garden gate had fallen to the ground. He duly picked it up, knocked the front door and when Betty and her mum appeared, he was asked what he was doing with the gate. He replied that it was raining outside…


That same evening, I left Maggie’s house via the kitchen door and strolled along the side entrance between number 147 and the next door house, 149. It was raining and as I walked up the short garden path, their small wrought iron gate was clearly off its hinges, so I picked it up, carried it up the entry, took it through the back door and left it against the parlour wall. 


“What the bloody hell have you brought that in here for?” demanded Roland, to which I replied in what was apparently a really good impersonation of Frank Spencer, 


“It’s rainin’ outside…”


FRANK SPENCER IMPRESSION WITH NEPHEW IAN MORRIS, WHO SADLY DIED SUDDENLY A FEW YEARS BACK...

As a widow, Maggie would often accompany us on caravan holidays, where she took it upon herself to cook the evening meals, which was really kind of her. However, sometimes, having to retreat from the beach in order to get back to the caravan for when dinner would be ready was frustrating. 


One day, she returned early to the site, entered the caravan and put the kettle on to make herself a cup of tea, whilst lighting up a cigarette. However, it was the wrong caravan… It had been unlocked and the occupants very soon returned to find Maggie boiling their kettle… Embarrassment… She had wondered why we had left our caravan door unlocked, she told us afterwards.


On another holiday in Swanage, one of the grass verges on the caravan site was soft and on our last evening there, we had decided to eat out, which my daughters were excited about but Maggie’s foot sank a little into the turf and she hurt her ankle. She was in agony but came out with us, we also took her to Swanage’s small hospital, where her ankle was strapped up. She endured a tough journey home the following day but two days later an X-ray revealed a break… No wonder she had been in such pain… 


THAT BLESSED ANKLE...

Her smoking was always a source of my cajoling and joking, so much so that after surgery on her throat area she was told she shouldn’t smoke any longer. She tried… However, some time later I walked into her kitchen unannounced, as she was just about to light up a fag. That really did upset me because I cared about her. 


It seemed that I had been the only person who hadn’t realised she was still smoking but she had tried hard to make sure that I didn’t see her…


When she passed away, hers was the first lifeless body I had ever seen…


I had really liked her and she was hugely important in my life but my shy and timid mum really liked her too and the pair seemed to get on so well…  

MAGGIE WITH MY MUM & MY DAUGHTERS LUCY & WENDY...

THE TWO NANS ON MY WENDY'S BIRTHDAY, JUST AFTER
CHRISTMAS, 1990...

NEXT: THE BALLINGERS...


Thursday, October 19, 2023

RIOCH, CHICO, BONNINGTON, BOB & FATTY: five dogs I have known in my adult life...

 Rioch, Chico, Bonnington, Bob & Fatty…


My mother-in-law’s dog had been named by her daughter Jenny, who chose the surname of her favourite Aston Villa player at the time and thus the pooch became Rioch… 


That was fine, except that the dog was a bitch… 


RIOCH WITH ME IN THE RIDGEWAY GARDEN, BEFORE A TRIP TO WEMBLEY...

Rioch was a strange creature especially after she bore puppies, becoming rather nasty after an operation to make her infertile. Three of the puppies come to mind even now, for one was to become my family dog which I named Chico after my favourite Villa player at the time, Ian ‘Chico’ Hamilton. Chico (the canine version) would live in my marital home until he passed away but he really wasn’t very bright at all…


CHICO & RIOCH, LOOKING LKE A DOG WITH TWO BODIES...

Another of the puppies was constantly climbing out of the container they were all being kept inside and one of my future sister-in-law Josie’s kids decided its name should be Bonnington, after the famous British climber Chris Bonnington. I liked that… 


Josie took on another puppy which I’m sure she called Bob and it lived next door at Josie’s house as it and Chico got bigger. This was before I was married when Chico would move to Tamworth with Jenny and me.


ABOVE & BELOW: WITH CHICO IN TAMWORTH, AFTER I HAD LAID A LAWN. MY MUM IS ON THE IMAGE BELOW...


Unfortunately, Josie too often allowed her dog to escape, whilst also leaving mother-in-law’s rear gate open too, so that Chico would disappear with Bob onto a main road, The Ridgeway in Erdington. On the opposite side of the road was the high brick wall of Witton Cemetery and The Ridgeway was so busy that it was surprising that the two rather wild dogs didn’t end up buried there…


Chico was actually run over once and he often barked at and chased cyclists along the road, then for many months he actually went missing, only for Josie to discover that he was living with another family not too far away… Crazy…


Neither Chico nor Rioch would retrieve a ball thrown for them, although both would give chase, reach the ball, sniff at it then lose interest and wander, or more likely run off…


On one occasion Chico attended a Sunday football match I played in but despite being on a lead, he still managed to cause some hassle. Firstly he peed on a fallen goalkeeper near one of the uprights, then after the match he tried to mate with a huge Great Dane, which of course Chico couldn’t reach a connection with, despite his rabid mongrel attempts, before he was dragged to safety, licking his wounds… 


THE FUR ON CHICO'S EARS FELL INTO RINGLETS WHEN IT WAS WET...

Chico didn’t have the best of times in Tamworth however, mainly because he was mostly left behind at home when Jenny and I travelled into Birmingham to teach. He made quite a mess of the kitchen on occasions but in truth it wasn’t his fault. We only stayed in Glascote, Tamworth for two years though and things became easier for Chico in Hodge Hill, back in Birmingham.


One brilliant moment involving Chico in Tamworth though happened during an evening walk when he was off the lead… He spotted a cat and chased it like he hadn’t eaten for a month but when the cat sprang to the top of a six-foot fence, it should have been the end of the incident. However, Chico simply leapt upwards and hooked his front paws over the top of the fence, hanging there for a few moments unable to haul the remainder of his willing body to the summit. It was incredible… 


He then dropped to the ground looking shaken…


A memorable incident involving Rioch arrived when my father turned up at mother-in-law’s house early one Saturday afternoon. He would usually park his car outside the house and we would all walk from there to Aston Villa’s home games. My dad had been an ‘insurance man’ and had often dealt with his clients’ dogs and when dogs were unfriendly he would offer them sweets from his pocket to pacify any growlers.


So when Rioch snarled at him on that day he offered her a sweet which the dog cautiously approached and deftly took from my dad’s open hand. My over-confident father thought that a friendship had been cemented, reached out for Rioch to stroke her and she immediately snapped at him, forcing my defeated father to take evasive action… I loved that because just for once, he hadn’t won… 


SHARING A BIRTHDAY WITH ME...

Rioch didn’t like brooms much either and on one remarkable day, after I had done some gardening for my mother-in-law, I attempted to sweep grass from the garden path. However, a snarling, heavier, infertile Rioch took the brush of the broom between her jaws and simply wouldn’t let go. I began tugging and as I turned to swing the broom from her grasp, she left the ground and I began to move in a circle, shocked to see the dog airborne and flying round and round like a circus performer, or taking a scary ride at a fairground…


It was quite hilarious but she would not let go… 


Chico was always a strange dog but an unfortunate one, for he never really recovered from his wild formative years. 


ABOVE & BELOW: WITH CHICO IN HODGE HILL...


I regret how I dealt with him…


HODGE HILL AGAIN...

Fatty?


Ah, Josie’s son Robert was doing some work on my car one day outside his house at the bottom of Marsh Hill in Erdington on a main carriageway. However, his mum’s dog raced from the house straight across the road between vehicles towards Witton Lakes and Robert suddenly bellowed: “FATTY… GET HERE…” 


WITTON LAKES, EARLY 1970s...

The dog ignored Robert but some passers-by gave him the evil eye, thinking he was referring to them…


Brilliant…


MY MOTHER-IN-LAW & FATHER-IN-LAW... (Fond memories...)

  My Mother-in-law & Father-in-law… Margaret (Sharples) Morris & Roland Isaiah Morris… BEST BEARD I EVER GREW. ME WITH ROLAND &am...